The Morrigan Papers: Danu

Danu comes to us in different shapes and forms through different mythologies. In our era you can find a lot about this Goddess on the internet. And then again what is written about her is so various one can never be sure. So, and not for the first time, I had to find a way that she meant to me, how did she come to me. I always had the feeling that Danu was more of a title, a hidden aspect in her name. And for that reason only I would write her name as D’Anu, mother of all her children. Whereas Anu gave birth to a child, D’Anu is so much more. She has integrated all her former aspects of being, finding and perfected her arts and knowledge, found her voice, battled for justice, conquered her fears and became the Queen of her Tribe, D’Anu, Mother of the children…

I place D’Anu at Lughnasadh, the first harvest festival, together with Lugh. Now Lugh is sacrificing himself  in the form of the harvest of the wheat or grain and D’Anu is milling the grain to flower, and then preparing it with water, yeast and oil to dough, and baking it into bread to feed her children. So D’Anu has knowledge of preparation for the future, how to combine all the knowledge and skills together, but even more, by integration all of her former aspects she knows history and therefor she knows the future. On Lughnasadh she also recognizes the fact that she too has to die someday, and from that aspect she is preparing one of her own to reign after her. Not by ruling but with love, respect, patience and wisdom. And all these thoughts she is kneading into the dough so that everyone who eats bread of her hand has an equal share in her knowledge and wisdom and in the life force of Lugh.

As D’Anu moves on towards Samhain, she is still for a while the counterpart of the Bride. Her physical fertility is fading but her mental fertility is growing. She is slowly entering the stage of wise woman but most of all she is feeling comfortable with this knew aspect of hers. She does not have to share all the secrets that she knows but she might, hiding her true meaning, so that the seekers can make up their own mind and choose for themselves the right path. But she knows, she has been there, and she knows.

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De gouden halmen met sikkel gesneden

De gouden halmen met sikkel gesneden

Los van de voedster

Teder opgenomen en gebonden

Bijeen in schoven

Rij na rij binnen gehaald

Op de dorsvloer

Worden de aren geslagen

Gescheiden wordt het stro van graan

Omhoog geworpen, steeds maar weer

Ontdaan van vlies komt het weer neer

Tussen stenen het koren vermaalt

Tot onherkenbaar meel

Vermengd met water, bier en gist,

Liefdevol gekneed tot deeg

Rust en groei

Gebakken op steen

Tot een voedend brood

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Bending the rules

This article is about my own vision on rules and how I handle different situations. A disclaimer: this only shows my own vision and not necessarily that of Silver Circle, Wiccan Rede or even witches in general. I don’t attempt to know “the truth” but through this article I hope to inspire you to think about your own set of rules.

My own rules

People who have met me and got to know me a little know that I adore rules. I love structure and I thrive knowing what is going to happen. What I enjoy even more is bending the rules so that they match my own life and they fit me perfectly. For me rules are like the theme within someones life and as long as you harm none I don’t mind throwing the rules overboard.

During my teenage years I broke the rules more than once. Quite frequently actually. I think every child struggles with what their parents lay down as ground rules. And sometimes just ignores them all together. As the years passed I developed my own set of rules, also known as core values, or principles. I try to follow these as much as possible but sometimes I slip up. Which is completely fine since this keeps me sharp and makes me think about my rules: “do I still feel comfortable with this rule?”

Rules in Wicca

When someone comes into contact with Wicca or reads things about it on the internet it will quickly become clear that there are very little rules. Where other religions often have very clear rules for daily life witches have to make do with general guidelines.

Rules within Wicca

  • Do what you want, but harm none
  • What you do will return to you times three
  • Be careful with what you ask. You might get it.

Most people who read these rules will immediately have certain associations with them and instinctively feel what is meant by them. Until situations arise which aren’t obviously black or white. And those gray area’s, those are the ones I want to talk about.

Witches have power. And with great power comes great responsibility. Where do your own ethical boundaries lie? And how far are you willing to bend these rules?

“Do what you want, but harm none”

Whoppa! This rule seems so obvious at first glance. And for tons of situations it is. Being angry at someone and wishing them dead is not the way to go. A ritual for your plants so that they grow and thrive is fine. Right?

The examples are pretty clear and the right choice is rather obvious. But who decides what is seen as harm for another? It’s a common practice that for example love spells are not done. You would be influencing someones free will and that is not okay.

But what about the situations where the consequences are not so clear and direct? For example: are you allowed to do magical work for someone who isn’t able to give consent like a young child or someone who is unconscious? If you perform a ritual to gain more financial stability in your life, can you foresee all the consequences? Where do you draw the line?

For me it’s obvious. If it’s possible I will ask consent for doing magical work for someone. If that person knows nothing about magic I will probably translate it into something like “do you want me to burn a candle for you?”. I won’t do elaborate rituals unless I have very explicit consent. And even with that certainty I will always remember that if something is really not meant to be, the universe will follow the natural flow of events the way it’s supposed to go.

For me working with magic is like working with a river. The universal energy is like a stream of water which will follow gravity. With rituals and spells you can put stones in that stream so that the water will follow a slightly different path. Or you can build a dam so the water won’t be able to reach a certain place. But build a dam on the wrong spot and the water will flood the area of ruin your dam.

I’ll always try to oversee what my work can put in motion and limit myself to general things like giving someone more strength to handle a situation instead of changing the situation itself. For instance: when someone has a broken heart I won’t try to take away the cause of that pain, but give someone more self-love, compassion and support.

What you do will return to you times three

For me this is the easiest rule. “What goes around comes around”. When your intentions are pure and good this will return to you somehow. For me this doesn’t even have to be anything related to magic but can also be during our daily life. How many people will wait in a supermarket queue only to snarl at the lady behind the register when she isn’t swift enough with counting your change? What is the direct effect? Perhaps you’ll feel guilty afterwards, you might have a nasty energy hanging around you that can certainly influence you and the people around you for a while. But when you approach that same lady behind the register with a smile the vibe instantly changes and you will certainly feel different about yourself and the world. This is exactly the same when you work with magic. Keep it positive, no matter how depressing the topic might be.

Be careful with what you ask. You might get it.

Most people will know the example of someone who lost their cat and did a ritual so the cat could find its way back home. But without being specific enough about which cat they meant the garden was flooded with all the strays from the neighbourhood. A school book example regarding “be careful what you ask for”. Doing a ritual purely for financial gain could result in inheriting money. You would have the financial gain, but most probably not the way you would want it. The best way to handle this is to be extremely clear in what you want to accomplish. So say, if you want a bigger house, take a good look how you would fulfill this dream without using magic and then support that work with magic. If you need another job think about how you can make yourself as attractive as possible for your future employer. Looking for a new partner? Go to a singles meeting and do some magical work beforehand where you can ask for the universe that -if- your perfect match will be there that you will end up at the same table for instance.

Magic work and daily life

For me, one of the most important things is making sure that magical work is an addition. The ritual work you do should be a reflection of the actions you take in your daily life. Of course you can do a ritual so that someone feels safe and comfortable, but you will also have to take care of that same person in your everyday moments. Just like magical work for a new job. If you sit around all day and don’t go to any job interviews the chance of a job magically falling into your lap will be quite slim.

Being a witch means being a witch 24/7. Not just during rituals or celebrations or whenever you feel like it. And for me that means that I try to follow the rules as much as possible during my daily life. The part “do what you wish but harm none” is the tricky one in everyday decisions since almost everything you do as a human will harm someone or something else. Buying a shirt from the Primark will accommodate child labor. Driving a car will harm the environment. Taking birth control pills will put a strain on our drinking water. Eating a ham sandwich will harm animals.

So where do you draw the line? Personally I try to “do the best I can”. Everybody has limitations concerning time, energy and money. Look at your own situation and determine where you can improve your lifestyle. I try to eat as little meat as possible and try to avoid using animal products. For me that is a huge contribution to the living beings here on earth. For someone else that might be volunteering somewhere. Or grabbing the bike instead of the car. Or being genuinely nice to that stuck up neighbour even though he was blasting music until 3am.

When can you bend the rules a little more?

Rules go out the door in an emergency in my opinion. If you’re attacked on the street and you kick someone in a reflex that sounds completely reasonable. That’s called self defense. It’s a whole different story when you have a moment to overthink the consequences of your actions. In my point of view revenge is never an option. You won’t gain anything and intentionally harming someone won’t give any pretty side effects. Also: when someone is seriously injured the rules don’t apply as far as I’m concerned. I won’t be able to ask someone “hey, is it okay if I do some magic for you?” When I am waiting for the ambulance to come I will help someone with magic. Help myself (not to panic, ability to think straight) and help the victim (pain management, take away anxiety etc). Thankfully these situations hardly ever occur and 99% of the time you will have at least a moment to think about what you are about to do.

Conclusions and some points of discussion

By evaluating your own behavior every now and then you’ll discover what is okay for you. Some covens have a rule set which you will learn about when you want to join that coven. Values can shift and your own opinion will become clearer and clearer over time. Here are some more opinions which you can use to think about where you stand on different topics. Also fun to use as a nice way to get a discussion started within a group!

  • Doing magic for children or animals is always the right thing to do.
  • As a witch you shouldn’t use any animals for personal gain. So never eat meat or use animal products like eggs, cheese, milk and leather.
  • As a witch you have to have your own negative emotions under control.
  • A ritual for personal gain is always a bad thing.
  • Attack is the best defense.
  • You have to give up a certain level of comfort to live as pure as possible.

Thank you for reading and don’t hesitate to let me know if you (dis)agree with me. I love getting feedback!

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The Morrigan Papers – Anu

Roos

As she walked up to the world tree, she noticed that the wheat was ripe, and the wind rippled the crops, it whispered tales of long forgotten times, continuations, unions and futures to be born again. The wind was soft with a touch of warmth of the fading sun, birds flew over and over again, assembling in large flocks. Crickets sang their song, hidden in the long grasses. Lingering dog roses, their scent sweet with an unfulfilled promise. A waning moon, ascended just above the horizon. Somehow she was feeling excited and slow at the same time. She enjoyed everything that came along her path in this violet hour as she slowly walked up to the tree. There was a sense of consciousness, clarity, but ever so quiet. It was as if different worlds came together, almost touchable in their uncanny union.

She arrived at the tree and sat down for a while, her back resting against the stem of the tree. She looked around her, her head moving slowly in every direction, she drank her surroundings in, in anticipation of what was ahead, what was coming. She closed her eyes and listened to all the music nature was making. All of a sudden it became very quiet, nature holding its breath.

She opened her eyes and looked immediately in the right direction. Down the path, a figure clad in a reddish-green cloak approached the world tree. When the figure came closer, she could see that it was a woman, pregnant with child. On her head a small, silver blue crown. A Royal appearance.

She stood up and waited for the figure to arrive at the entrance of the world tree. She realized it was Anu, in her aspect of Mother Goddess. She bowed her head with respect. Anu now said: “Help me, child of mine, for I am to give birth to a son and something is not right”. Anu lay down and with one big push she gave birth to a son as she foretold. The boy was blueish of skin tone and she saw that the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck. Gently but swift, she unwrapped the cord, gave him a good slap on his behind to make him breath. Anu was watching what she was doing but said nothing. The child still did not breath and in a last attempt she closed her own mouth around his, and gently blew her own breath into his lungs. His tiny little chest moved up when her breath reached his lungs. And then that lovely sound, a crying baby. The blue skin tone disappeared quickly and she took her own cloak to wrap him and laid him down so she could attend to Anu but she was not lying down anymore. She looked up to Anu, who stood beside her as if nothing really had happened, a faint smile on her face. Anu’s shadow hovered over her and the baby. Anu said: “The union of you and him through your breath will last forever, and you will name him Gwydion for he is born of the trees”. Anu turned and walked away leaving the baby behind with her.

She was perplexed, what was she to do with a new-born, she could not feed it! She turned around to pick up the baby but the baby grew into an adult man. And then she recognized the God. It was Lugh, father, lover, brother and husband. All different aspects of one and the same thing. Just like Anu is one aspect of the many shapes of the Morrigan. And she understood that everything was and will always be connected, that there was union in life and death, union in love and war, union in everything. A universal union that could never be broken. History would repeat itself in an unborn future.

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Interview with Julian Vayne & Steve Dee – part 1

Thursday 16th June 2016, North Devon, UK.

Having Julian Vayne over for the PFI Netherlands Conference on 16th April 2016 gave me a chance to talk with him at length about his current work and interests. He also gave me a copy of the book “Chaos Craft” to review for Wiccan Rede Online.

I also suggested to him that it would be great to interview him at length and he agreed 🙂

So a couple of months later we arranged a meeting in North Devon, UK, together with Steve Dee, co-author of Chaos Craft.

Steve describes himself as “a chaos magician, Amookos initiate and gnostic explorer who lives in Devon. He likes cats, drums, body surfing and very loud music.” He also likes tea, a lot of it 🙂 as I found out during our talk. As a child, his family moved to Queensland, Australia. He would return however to England to study.

Steve Dee

(Steve in his spare time)

On the subject of mindfulness and early influences

STEVE DEE:

For me, Jung provided me with a framework, for understanding aspects of the self really. Although I had been involved with yoga at an early age – those were sorts of things connected to bodily practices, but also to ideas about divinity and theological questions. To me Jung opened the door to understanding, understanding the Self. And so I think his work, obviously based on the work of Freud – but his ideas about the Unconscious and the Shadow, the Collective Unconscious, and of course Synchronicity, I found hugely fascinating.

Morgana: we were talking about early influences and you mentioned that you wanted to study to become an Anglican priest. Can you tell us more about your experiences?

I was at this college – I started there at the age of 19 and I had, what was effectively a breakdown, toward the end of the first year. I was increasingly unhappy with, I suppose, the exclusivity of that version of Christianity. The way it was being expressed in that context. That sort of psychological pressure, between who I felt I should be and who I actually was, in the end, caused me a great deal of difficulty and a lot of problems and anxiety, and some hallucinations. So it was quite a distressing, a tough time. But, one way or another and with the help of some patient friends and engaging in contemplative type practice, helped to quieten things down. My earlier experiences of meditation etc. as a young teenager really helped too. I managed to get through it, although it was tricky.

Morgana: so you ended up leaving college?

STEVE: No, I kept going. I got to the end. I met my partner, now my wife, at the college and she was thinking of becoming an Anglican Priest as well. So although I was going through this process of change I was still really enjoying the study. I also wanted to get my degree and get it done. At that point, I decided that I felt too young to go into the priesthood and also I was interested in social work, especially with adults with learning disabilities. So I decided that I was going to do that. So yes, I got through it.

Morgana, what was the official study, Divinity or Theology?

STEVE: technically it was a BA in Theology specialising in Biblical Studies. So it’s quite good to have that foundation. So much of Western culture – even unconsciously – is going to be shaped by Christianity and Christian ideals.

Morgana: so after graduation, what happened?

STEVE: Then I went to work with adults with learning disabilities – teaching things like Sex Education, Arts and Literature, Music (I am quite musical…) So I was doing that – at the same time entering a deeper level of esotericism, a period of esoteric exploration. Really through the Tarot, Cabala. I was trying to find a way forward with that and came across a more pagan, Druidry view. And also things like OBOD (The Order of Bards, Ovates & Druids). For me, that was probably a kind of nice gentle way of marrying some of the Hermetic Christian stuff with the pagan stuff. So rather than jumping into a coven or feeling that I would – it wasn’t a jarring shift. It was more like a transition across – which is probably good from an integration point of view.

Yes, so that happened, and eventually I ended up training as a Social Worker and doing a Masters in Social Work. I have spent the last 18 or so years working in Adult Mental Health Services. I was also training as a psychotherapist, working with families primarily. I worked with a lot of people who are struggling chaos commotion, self-injury and so on. I like the challenge of that kind of work. Dealing with their darkness, traumas.

Morgana: Many of my friends are interested in – or have in fact studied Psychology. In some cases, they have tried to integrate Craft/ Wicca practices in their profession as Psychologists. There has also been a big shift in our attitudes towards “Altered States of Consciousness” / ASC. And things like Gender Identity – always raising the question of “Who am I? And how do I fit in society?”

STEVE: Yes, certainly the idea of Identity as played a big part in my journey; wondering about sexuality and in some respects that triggered some of the crises in relation to Christianity. As long as I can remember I have identified myself as being bi-sexual – and also someone for whom certain ideas of maleness don’t sit very comfortably. Always the questions about duality – so I’ve always been exploring that territory. Psychology and modern psychology have helped me with some helpful tools.

Both myself and other people – as is the case with many people who work in my trade – we often heal ourselves, learn to understand ourselves.

Morgana: who are the other psychologists who influenced you?

STEVE: yea Jung; but also different people for different things. In Family Therapy, people such as Salvador Minuchin, and more recently people like Michael White, a Narrative Therapist, a post-modern form of therapy in which “the story of people’s lives” is focused upon. Also, earlier people like Wilhelm Reich and Eric Erikson, both students of Freud, who like Jung branched off to a more esoteric territory. People like Abraham Maslow and Carl Rogers – some of the early Humanistic Psychotherapists.

Morgana: I too have an interest in psychology having a background in teaching. Certainly, when working with people in a coven setting. How do you deal with certain psychological processes? After all, we are dealing with the human psyche. So it’s not surprising that people have been interested. I think there is always a moment – maybe you recognise this too – that when you are working in a Wicca or OBOD context, that you are not actually the therapist. That the coven is NOT a therapy group. But when is there a moment when we advise people to seek professional help? Or can we within our own circle actually help each other? What do you do in this situation?

STEVE: yes, it’s an interesting situation. Julian and I have been involved in running a magical group together, for about 7 years. The book “Chaos Craft” is a reflection on a lot of that work. In that group – although the size varied – we had people who you could see they had mental health issues. Thankfully, I think it was a fairly self-selecting process because of the people we invited, that they were taking responsibility for their own well-being. I think when you are the leader of a magical group, Julian and I co-lead it together, you have a priestly kind of responsibility towards people and you want to ensure, especially after a transformational magical practice, where people are grounding themselves and they are feeling in a good place, feeding them, both spiritually and literally. But I wouldn’t have any reservations about saying that ‘we are here to do magical practice together and perhaps you need to get some help’. You know people need to look after themselves.

Morgana: yes if we see that people are neglecting themselves we would worry about them. Maybe it’s our maternal side speaking – but also that people can trust us. That we do care about their well-being. The element of trust is part of our ethical code. It is, however, I think, a very tricky thing. How do we achieve “Perfect Love, Perfect Trust”? How do we stand back and not become emotionally involved? As Jung pointed out – to paraphrase – if you become involved in the problem – you too are then part of the problem.

STEVE: I think this is why co-leadership is important. If you have someone leading, someone alongside you like a priestess, or two people together, you have that sort of reflection – a safety net, where that person can go, can handle their bull-shit really and you can ask if they need help? I know that when Jools and I have been working together that there have been times when we both had stuff going on and being able to support each other in that. Also that we can discuss some of the group practice and process away from the group meetings and look more closely at the interactions. What can we do differently?

Morgana: would you like to tell us a bit more about how you and Julian got together?

STEVE: yea absolutely  🙂

I’d been in this part of Devon for about 18 years. Julian had been living here for about 14 years. We hadn’t met or made the connection. Basically, we had a connection via Mogg Morgan (of Mandrake of Oxford, publishers). He was my initiator into a kind of East/West lineage called Magickal Order of AMOOKOS (Arcane Magick Order of the Knights of Shambhala) which is more-or-less in hibernation these days. It’s an East/West Tantric lineage which is very Thelemic, which traces its lineage back to a western man called Lawrence Miles who went to live in India and became the recipient of two lineages. Then another westerner called Mike McGee met with this guru and received these lineages and then AMOOKOS was formed. It’s called the Nath lineage, Nath meaning Lord. It’s a kind of Shiva/Shakti – wild tantric, magical lineage. At least that is what it aspires to be. I received that lineage through Mogg. We had had a connection over a few years. Jools also had an interest in that material and had worked with some people from that lineage. He was also in a Chaos magic group.

But once I had done the OBOD ‘thing’ – my gentle introduction to more esoteric things – I quite quickly became interested in Chaos Magic, as an approach, just because of the struggle I had had with Christianity. I had disliked the ‘exclusivity’ – I was naturally more drawn to diversity and multiple ways of perceiving reality. For me, encountering CM was a very dynamic, very punk-rock and a complex way of doing magic. It was also a very shamanic way of doing magical practice.

So Julian and I had a ‘natural’ connection with our tantric, yogic approach, which given my background in yoga resonated. It made sense. This was about 8-9 years ago. (2007) At the time Jools had met with another novice who was living near to us. So we invited them to join forces, which they did for about 5-6 years. We had a very intense working group meeting very regularly to do a magical practice of an experimental nature.

Eventually, because of Julian’s background in Wiccan practice and initiation – and also my own interest in Wicca and the witch current –my own (self) initiation into witchcraft via Marian Green (Natural Magic) and Doreen Valiente’s later works when she was emphasising self-initiation as a witchcraft path. I read “Witchcraft for Tomorrow” and so Julian and I started piecing some things together, probably about 5-6 years ago – and looking at how we could work with the witch current, but integrating it into a more Chaos Magical way.

[Morgana: We had a short conversation in which I mentioned how I had met Julian & Pete Carroll at the Colours of Magic conference in 2008 (London). How my Wicca path had crossed the CM’s path too. Also the role of CM in new trends in magic.]

On historical influences of and trends in modern magic and Slow Chaos.

STEVE: When I think about the archetypal Wise Woman and Cunning Man of the 18/19th century. They were masters of improvisation, using what was in front of them, whether it was the Bible, Psalms, Science books etc., they used anything they could get their hands on to do their magic.

Morgana: Yes although it is often forgotten that many people were illiterate. Folk magic was not written down. It would have been handed down as particular customs and stories.

STEVE: yes, the CM approach is really consistent for me with the good sorceress, thaumaturgical magic.

Morgana: During an interview I did with Peter Carroll he said that (paraphrasing) “to do good magic, one has to understand the mindset of the person you are working for”. That really resonated with me because I realised that I was already doing that intuitively.

Also being in the Netherlands I realised that my English-ness was not the same as being Dutch. Later working within PFI and meeting people from different cultures I understood what Pete was saying.

Within academia, there was also a growing awareness that Animism was not confined to “deepest darkest Africa”. Graham Harvey, in particular, was active in this field. He argues, amongst other things, that Animism is the interaction with “‘other-than-human persons”.

Coming back to the development of Chaos Magic and the book “Chaos Craft” –

STEVE: Yes, although I didn’t attend the “Colours of Chaos” conference (2008) I was aware of what was going on, also because of the working group with Julian. The conference sounded like a great event. Also, it was an effective attempt to present a ‘Public Face’ via workshops and talks.  I’m sure Wicca too suffers from negative publicity, being branded as a cult, magical order, coven network etc. Sometimes the most effective work for a magical current is communicating it out to either the wider occult community or even wider culture such as academia. It expands the idea of the occult experience, the numinous insights, be it as Art, or Psychology. It is an encouraging evolution – synthesising previously quite segregated fields.

Morgana: there are a couple of concepts which I would like to ask you about in the book. One of the concepts is “Slow Chaos”.

STEVE: One of the things, when people think about CM, as we have already mentioned, is this idea of it being punk-rock, a sort of accelerated, fairly smash-and-grab ‘take any paradigm, any mythology’ and work in a fast-and-dirty way. So when people talk of CM they tend to think of it like that. It’s potentially consumerist, with an attitude of ‘I can do whatever I want’ free-style and I suppose I wanted to show a different approach … slow chaos. Almost as if it was the second, or even third wave of CM, when you have people like Julian and myself, being part of another religious tradition and we are trying to think how we DID CM, trying to slow it down. So bringing the innovation of CM, but also perhaps recognising that – thinking about Jung again – in terms of the development of Soul and thinking about the engagement of things like archetypes and the unconscious, and myth. Rather than it being purely of a Tradition, or purely CM – what would happen if you tried to integrate the two? So it was a slowing down of the dynamic of CM and the play on the word SLOW as in the SLOW movement, for example, slow cooking, slow sex, slow work etc., trying to bring a degree of mindfulness to the process.

Morgana: How do you relate to the whole concept of ‘mindfulness’?

A taste of mindfulness

(From: A taste of mindfulness meditation)

STEVE: It’s really interesting, mindfulness has really become prevalent in the last 5 years as a cultural concept, but actually, when you look back to the early 1980’s and the work of Jon Kabat-Zin, at the beginning we were trying to integrate meditative practices into formal psychological therapies. The question was – how can we take these meditation techniques and use them in a non-religious context to aid people – for example with chronic pain conditions, and management of those, depression and so on? On some levels I welcomed the idea of mindfulness and, to put it in its wider context, everything post-Carl Jung has made use of spiritual ideas in psychology. So you have things like Gestalt work being influenced by some Zen and the Mindfulness. All the humanistic people like Abraham Maslow and Carl Rogers, who we have already mentioned. These are really spiritual people. And psychology has always made use of visualisation techniques, relaxation exercises – basically magical things. What we would call “Path Working”.

I suppose for me the danger with Mindfulness is that it is becoming overly commodified and there is some interesting critique. Mindfulness has, primarily, its origin in Buddhist practice and the thing about Buddhism is that it’s very much existential in terms of confronting the difficulty of life. And that life is about suffering, discomfort and impermanence, so there has been some thought about – for example – people with a depressive illness. Do you want to be increasing their contact with ideas about despair and emptiness and the Void? Or do you want other techniques which can provide a temporary scaffolding to support them?

JULIAN joins the conversation and adds: Also to allow them to, or assist them with the production of meaning, because although you may have that sort of idea of emptiness those practices can provoke, it’s also about having and recognising that there is a human need to construct meaning. So even if there is no meaning there is still a requirement to create one at a human individual level.

(Continued – see part 2

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The Dark Night of the Soul

A 16th century Christian mystic known as “St John of the Cross” wrote a now famous writing/poem that many refer to as the “Dark Night of the Soul,” and is part of a larger body of work.  In this text, he describes the spiritual crisis faced in order to unite closer to God.  Since the theme for the Lammas edition this year is on match-making and connections, I thought this may be a good subject to discuss: the connection of our own higher mind and spirit with that of our god(s) for spiritual wisdom … the spiraling upward in which we attempt to eventually evolve and grow through progressive cycles of reincarnation and the eventual at-one-ment with the “Supreme Being.”

I must first state that I was introduced to this spiritual idea of the “Dark Night” from a modern pop-culture reference when I first listed to the lyrics titled, “The Dark Night of the Soul” that was recorded by Canadian singer/songwriter Loreena McKennitt.  The song was featured on her album, “The Mask and the Mirror” and I also have had the pleasure to see her perform this song live.

“Oh night thou was my guide,
of night more loving than the rising sun,
Oh night, that joined the lover to the beloved one,
transforming each of them into the other.”

– Dark Night of the Soul, by Loreena McKennitt, from the album “The Mask and the Mirror.”
1994, Quinlan Road

Loreena-McKennitt-for-the-web

When I first heard this song it spoke to my very soul. I decided to look into where the inspiration for this song came from and I found she developed this from the poem by St John of the Cross and I began to think more fully about its inner meanings and why her song called to me on my own spiritual journey or even the spiritual journey of anyone exploring any mystic path – no matter what spirituality or religion.

So what does this concept mean to us following an esoteric path within the Ancient Wisdom Traditions?

The path of initiation, whether marked by physical ceremonies such as the initiations of Wicca, or of the personal gnosis obtained through spiritual self-discovery, marks a “beginning.”  This is a new beginning, a fresh-start and the chance to begin again. It marks a moment in time where nothing will be the same again.

Many folks that follow a mystical path within the Ancient Wisdom Traditions follow the tenet of Reincarnation.  This current life may not be the first time many wisdom-seekers have gone through some sort of initiation ceremony.  The ceremony in this life might even reveal to us information that we might have forgotten in flashes of ancestral memory or even déjà vu.

During this time of our mystical work and immediately after initiation itself, we typically are so “charged up.”  We feel the strong and close connection within the circle of initiates.  This close connection may be for a number of reasons, such as in knowing the fact that those brothers and sister standing in the circle with you at that moment have also gone through the same ritual and each one having their own unique experiences after going through it.  Others may provide you with advice on what they have received and even stories of others who have passed through it so that you know what to expect.

It is said that after initiation occurs, the law of compensation (karma) speeds up.  After a period of time, some initiates have reported that they have gone through what may be described as a “Dark Night of the Soul.”  This subject has also been described in many Theosophical texts, such as the chapter titled, “Spiritual Darkness” in a book called “The Spiritual Life” by Annie Besant:

“First comes the well-known fact of the quickening of karma, once we have set our feet resolutely towards the portal of the Path.”
– The Spiritual Life, by Annie Besant. 1990, published by The Theosophical Publishing House

In the understanding of the differences between the astral plane and the physical plane, we learn there are many type of presences or entities that reside within both.  Physical plane events that happen to us can lead to us creating thought-forms on the astral plane when powerful thoughts leave the astral and mental bodies.  The physical event and the astral emotions are connected.  Sometimes we experience these feelings without the physical cause because the stabilization on this plane is not ready to find a place of expression and form yet.  Since some thought-forms are short lived, some may never find eventual attainment of physical events according to the theory of planes.

A long line of mystics have written throughout the ages how they have experienced doubt on their path, or the feeling that their god has abandoned them.  Maybe it is a doubt of a well-loved tenet or precept of their path?  All of this can be found on the spiritual discovery to “Know Thyself” which was found written above the ancient temples of times past.  Today, many of us reconnect with this concept by placing this sign over our present day temples in order to remind us constantly before we step through that temple entrance that we should “Know Thyself” and know WHY we are entering within its sphere.

Overall, it seems to be our human nature to desire a place where we all belong. To feel needed, wanted and appreciated.  I know that I was told by a woman I deeply respect that “Everyone must have a purpose.”  I think the hard part of this journey is just finding “what” that purpose is?

“People need spells. But the most effective one is to reach a point in life when you know your place in the Universe, and know the exhilarated magical feeling of a harmonious existence with your environment and your fellow man.”
– Cast Your Own Spell, by Sybil Leek. 1970, published by Bee-Line Books, Inc.

Finding your place in this world is a struggle for many.  I know I have been through this many times myself and in some ways, many of us are constantly re-checking ourselves and occasionally making course-corrections when needed. We are spouses; we are brothers, sisters, healers, teachers, employees, employers, leaders, followers, sons, daughters, etc.  We are young, we are old.  But with all of these labels that we and society have placed on us, what label would we use to describe ourselves?  Are we already who we want to be?  Are we on the path of becoming whom we would want to be?

Those who heavily study esoteric subjects and mystical concepts may find this describes them well:

It seems we go through cycles of initiating, ending or re-assessing, or riding out a place of understanding in our spirituality.  When I begin a new spiritual study or pursuit, I know I go into it with a sense of wonder and enthusiasm.  This is the exciting time.  This is the time when things just spark.

Then, little by little, triumphs of new-found insight in the particular spiritual study keep us motivated to continue our learning process.  As we have time for meditation and contemplation, the discoveries continue to propel us forward to continue our advancement – continual discoveries being made.

Then, there comes a time, when it seems that we have plateaued with the spiritual pursuit.  It seems that we can’t go any further.  Maybe we seem stuck, or maybe we have tapped into something in which we have found all the spiritual attainment that we may want on said subject in this current incarnation.  Sometimes, that plateau is okay with us.  Each of us is in charge of our own spiritual growth and when it comes to certain spiritual pursuits and subjects, I may choose that I have learned what I need to learn and not push the subject any further.  Other spiritual subjects just seem to nag at us, or something within may tell me that I need to press on.  It could be that it may just be because the particular subject is truly fascinating to me, or maybe just the feeling that I don’t have the complete story.

In the instance in which I know that I must push onward and upward, I know that I have a threefold path to face: re-assess, keep going or change the course.  Deciding what to do is always the hardest part of this and this is where on occasion I may feel that spiritual crisis of doubt, abandon or even just frustration that I am not discovering the answers that I am looking for quick enough.

At the end of the day, how might I know, as a spiritual seeker, that I have found connection to the answers that I am looking for?

A beautiful quote by Gita Bellin has always assured me:

“A thing is complete when you can let it be.”
– Gita Bellin

Blessed Be!

References:

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Omzwervingen: verbondenheid in tijden van individualiteit

De maakbaarheid van de samenleving, vrije keuze van het individu en de invloed van hem of haar op het eigen karakter, handelen en leven worden enorm overschat in onze huidige samenleving. Naast individu zijn we nog altijd groepsdier. De mores die we meekrijgen vanuit onze groep (gezin, school, leefomgeving) hebben meer invloed op ons dan we willen of ons voor kunnen stellen. Er zijn mensen die daar anders over denken, maar de overheersende teneur lijkt te zijn dat we veel individuele keuzevrijheid hebben, en dat we het allemaal wel alleen redden. In de zorg worden mensen tegenwoordig gestimuleerd om hun netwerk in te schakelen, en doen professionals steeds vaker een stap terug. ‘Zelfredzaamheid’ noemt men dat, of ‘zelfmanagement van de cliënt’[1]. Het gevolg van die mythe is dat steeds meer mensen maar moeten zien hoe ze zich redden, waar ze dat niet lukt.

Ik ben dol op detectives. Liefst Engels of Scandinavisch. Scandinavisch heeft meer psychologische ontwikkeling en een bepaald zwaarmoedig sfeertje dat me erg aanspreekt. Bij Engelse series is het juist het ouderwetse, het geruststellende ‘alles blijft bij het oude en elke moord wordt opgelost’ dat ik prettig vind. Onlangs zag ik de aflevering ‘Harvest of Souls’ uit Midsomer Murders. Zo’n slaperig dorpje in de lieflijke heuvels van Engeland waar alle inwonenden al generaties met elkaar verbonden zijn. Ook in deze aflevering speelt het verleden de personages in het verhaal parten. Ik wil de plot niet verklappen natuurlijk, ga vooral zelf kijken als je de kans krijgt. Maar wat ik wel kan zeggen: iets geheimhouden kan enorme consequenties hebben. Alles wat jij niet verwerkt en oplost, geef je door aan de volgende generatie, die er alsnog mee aan de slag mag.

foetusleonardo

Foetus, getekend door Leonardo da Vinci (afbeelding van Wikipedia)

Intergenerationele verbondenheid gaat veel verder dan we geneigd zijn te denken. Vanaf de tiende week van de zwangerschap ontwikkelen de geslachtsorganen zich. Jongetjes dragen vanaf dat moment in hun teelballetjes de aanzet tot al hun zaadcellen in zich. En in meisjes bevinden zich dan alle 1-2 miljoen eicellen (de meeste daarvan sterven vrij snel na de geboorte af) waar later hun maandstonden en eventuele kinderen uit zullen groeien.[2]

Op een bepaald niveau bestond je dus al, toen je ouders nog in de buik van hun moeder zaten. Jouw ouders droegen jou(w aanzet) al bij zich als embryo – waardoor jij in de buik van je oma’s hebt gezeten. Maakt jouw oma heftige zaken mee als ze zwanger is van je moeder, dan werkt dat dus ook in op jou. Niet alleen doordat je gedrag en manier van reageren vanzelf en onbewust overneemt van je directe omgeving, maar ook omdat ‘jij’ (je fysieke grondvorm) daadwerkelijk aanwezig was in het lichaam en dus leven van je grootmoeders van je beide ouders.

Stress
De mate waarin iemand gevoelig is voor stress, wordt gevormd in het oudste deel van de hersenen. Nadat eicel en zaadcel met elkaar verbonden zijn, ontstaan als eerste de hersenstam met het ruggenmerg in de 33 ruggewervels. Hierin ligt de aansturing van ons hele systeem, de aanzet van ons hormoonstelsel, van hieruit worden onze hartslag en ademhaling geregeld.

De stressniveaus in de gemiddelde westerse samenleving (zoals de Nederlandse) zijn hoog. Stress op zich is niet ongezond, maar wel als het opkomt zonder dat je er iets mee kunt doen, en vooral als dat vrijwel continu is. Op prikkels reageert je lichaam actief en gericht op waar die prikkels vandaan komen. Het is klaar om te vluchten, mocht dat nodig zijn. Is niks mis mee, stress wordt pas problematisch als er geen fysieke activiteit volgt om te ontladen, en als het te weinig wordt afgewisseld met momenten van rust waarbij de aandacht nergens op gericht hoeft te worden en naar binnen kan keren. In die diepe ontspanning is er alle ruimte voor spijsvertering, stofwisseling en herstel.

Een andere ‘bijwerking’ van stress is, dat je lichaam meer oxytocine aanmaakt, een hormoon en neurotransmitter. Oxytocine was al langer bekend als het bevallings- en zooghormoon, maar het blijkt ook de behoefte te vergroten aan verbinding, zodat samenwerking en hulp zoeken makkelijker worden. Aanraking, strelen en liefdevolle aandacht vergroten de aanmaak van oxytocine, en ontspannen.[3] Oxytocine wordt ook wel het knuffelhormoon genoemd, maar de door oxytocine sterker ervaren verbondenheid met de eigen groep kan ontaarden in agressie tegen buitenstaanders.

De verbondenheid met de eigen groep is, trouwens, iets anders dan de verbondenheid met het Al. Dat laatste is een ervaring diep van binnen, die kan voortvloeien uit of leiden tot een bepaalde manier van handelen, maar die op zichzelf eerder een diep en soms overweldigend voelen is. Je verbondenheid beperken tot een bepaalde, afgebakende groep, is daarmee in feite in tegenspraak.

Ubuntu

Ja, alles is met elkaar verbonden en heeft invloed op elkaar. Dat is tenminste waarvan ik uitga, waarin ik geloof zo je wilt. Het concept van verbondenheid kent vele namen en culturele vormen. Ubuntu (‘ik ben omdat wij zijn’, een Afrikaanse filosofie, breder bekend door Nelson Mandela en Desmond Tutu[4]) is een prachtig voorbeeld hiervan.

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‘Rewild your life’

Hoewel individuele ruimte een fantastisch goed is, en broodnodig voor eenieder, zijn we naast individu ook altijd nog groepswezen. In onze westerse maatschappij is het individuele wel erg ver doorgeschoten. Een ontwikkeling die flink is geholpen door de uitvinding van het kunstlicht en apparaten zoals computers, smartphones en televisie, waarmee we op afstand toch verbonden zijn (of lijken) met elkaar. De uitgestrektheid van de sterrenhemel en de diepe duisternis van de nacht zien wij niet of nauwelijks nog, waardoor we belangrijker lijken dan we werkelijk zijn. Alle uitgestrektheid en duisternis zijn buitengesloten door het kunstlicht, waardoor elk van ons zich makkelijk het centrum van het universum waant, met weinig tot geen besef van het veel grotere dat ons omringt.

Rewild your life
Het afgelopen jaar ben ik nogal bezig geweest met verbondenheid. Wat dat betekent. Biologisch, met vrienden, met de dingen om me heen. In hoeverre denk ik mijn eigen wereld bij elkaar? Kun je echt ergens wortelen of is dat ook maar een idee? Hoe vast liggen de connecties die je aangaat door het voeren van een gesprek? Kan een landschap je welkom heten of juist vijandig zijn? Mengt jouw energie met die van de ander als je de liefde bedrijft? Communiceren met bomen, stenen en sloten, is dat mogelijk? Werkt het ook andersom, zoeken dieren en dingen contact met mensen, of is het vooral antropomorfiserend eenrichtingsverkeer?

In dat kader van mijn fascinatie met verbondenheid deed ik afgelopen mei mee aan de Rewild Your Life Challenge. De bedoeling daarvan was om een maand lang dagelijks minimaal een half uur naar buiten te gaan, de natuur op te zoeken. Ook in een stedelijke omgeving. Woon je aan de rand van de Grand Canyon, dan is het eenvoudig. Maar ook hartje Amsterdam biedt mogelijkheden op dit gebied. Niet zo spectaculair of vanzelfsprekend, maar toch. Verschillende mensen hadden opdrachten samengesteld. De ene dag ‘moest’ je een half uur met gesloten ogen in het gras gaan zitten. De andere dag werd je verzocht om naar de sterren te staren. Zoek minstens vijf verschillende soorten gras. Wandel eens op blote voeten. Zoek een vogelnestje, en dierenpoep (geen hondenpoep, dat zou te makkelijk zijn). Mijn dierenpoep: vlekjes vliegenpoep op het voordeurraam.

rewild-vliegenpoep

‘Rewild your life’-opdracht: zoek dierenpoep (geen hondenpoep)

Deze challenge greep ik aan om op gestructureerde wijze mijn persoonlijke verbondenheid met het waterland waarin ik woon te onderzoeken. Het was leuk om te merken dat mijn foto’s, die ik nogal… gewoontjes vond met m’n slootjes en rietranden, door deelnemers uit heel andere omgevingen, zoals Amerika of Australië, juist bijzonder gevonden werden. Vergeleken bij de Grand Canyon of de Australische Bush is Waterland iets heel anders, ja dat klopt eigenlijk ook wel.

Het was leuk om mijn omgeving te verkennen, maar dat heb ik altijd wel gedaan. Ik fiets en wandel heel wat af. Als ik niet kan slapen, trek ik erop uit. Als ik vast zit in de ontwikkeling van nieuwe producten of wanneer een artikel of blog niet wil vlotten, ga ik naar buiten. Ben ik boos of gefrustreerd, dan loop ik dat van me af. Het bijzondere van deze challenge zat hem in het dagelijks en gestructureerd ermee bezig zijn – dat werkt altijd verdiepend, met álle onderwerpen. Vooral de rol van mijn minder gebruikte zintuigen trad op de voorgrond. Die zette ik meer in om me te oriënteren, en ik merkte er meer mee op. Dierengeluiden, bloemengeuren bijvoorbeeld. Ik merkte hoezeer we op ons zicht navigeren, waarbij de andere zintuigen enigszins wegvallen.

rewild-ei

‘Rewild your life’

Blootsvoets met gesloten ogen
Het wandelen op blote voeten, waarvan ik dacht dat het een eitje zou zijn. Thuis en in de tuin loop ik heel vaak blootsvoets, dus tja. Ditmaal ging ik naar de lokale heemtuin, voor een korte wandeling zonder schoeisel. Ik kom er vaker, maar toch – het is er wilder dan in mijn huiskamer. Dat werd een memorabele wandeling. Enorm veel trager dan ik gewend ben, en zonder oog voor de omgeving, volledig gefocust op het kleine stukje grond waarop ik mijn voeten neer ging zetten. Zonder schoeisel voel je je meer verbonden met de aarde, maar ook is het een stuk pijnlijker om op een steentje of op rietstoppels te staan. Zoek je oefeningen om je concentratie aan te scherpen? Blootsvoets wandelen kan ik zeker aanraden!

Ook het zitten, een half uur lang!, met gesloten ogen leek eenvoudiger dan het was. Het viel me op hoeveel je gewoonlijk vertrouwt op je ogen en je zicht. Als je je ogen sluit neemt vooral je gehoor het over. Veel geluiden kon ik makkelijk thuisbrengen: ik wist waar de trein altijd rijdt, een vliegtuig zag ik ook direct voor mijn geestesoog. Maar een gierende brommer uit onverwachte hoek, daar schrok ik van en ik moest echt mijn best doen om niet mijn ogen te openen. Tegelijkertijd moest ik daarom lachen: stel dat die brommer echt op mij afscheurde, zou het dan enig verschil maken in de impact of ik dat zag of niet? Het is alsof we het gevoel hebben dat we meer controle hebben, dat het veiliger is als we kunnen zien wat er gebeurt. Terwijl dat maar heel relatief is natuurlijk.

rewild-reiger

‘Rewild your life’

Misschien proberen we met oogcontact het aanstormend gevaar te kalmeren en vriendelijk te stemmen, door via het oogcontact verbinding te maken, een band te scheppen. Dat is wat oogcontact doet, tenslotte. Het schijnt dat iemand doodmaken terwijl hij of zij je aankijkt, een stuk moeilijker is dan een mes in iemands rug steken. Als ik hierover nadenk, duiken er telkens beelden op van muisjes die gehypnotiseerd zijn door een cobra, en konijnen die als verlamd in koplampen staren. Een meer positieve variant hiervan is dat langdurig oogcontact onderling begrip vergroot en empathie opwekt, en zelfs verliefd kan maken.

Dit is een mooi filmpje van wat elkaar langer dan gebruikelijk in de ogen kijken met mensen doet.

Zodra je je ogen sluit, nemen je andere zintuigen het direct over. Ik kan me voorstellen dat je die enorm traint als je hier dagelijks bewust mee aan de slag gaat. Het schijnt dat sommige blinde mensen zulk gevoelig gehoor hebben ontwikkeld, dat ze afstanden en formaten ‘aflezen’ aan de weerkaatsing van het geluid van, bijvoorbeeld, hun voetstappen.

Het was een mooie maand. Veel gezien, gedaan, aangestipt, anders bekeken. Maar conclusies over verbondenheid, wat dat is, van waaruit dat zich ontwikkelt en waar het toe dient? Als alles met elkaar verbonden is, dan zíjn er uit de aard der zaak ook geen conclusies, eindgedachten mogelijk. Telkens dienen zich nieuwe vergezichten aan. Voorlopig blijf ik nog even rondzwerven in het grijze gebied tussen individualiteit en verbondenheid.

rewild-riet

‘Rewild your life’

Alle ‘Rewild your life’-foto’s zijn uit de privécollectie van Ishtar

Noten:
[1] Kennisdossier Zelfregie kracht zelfredzaamheid en eigen verantwoordelijkheid (pdf)
[2] Ontwikkelingsvrucht (Alles over kinderen)
[3] Oxytocine (Wikipedia)
[4] Ubuntu (filosofie) (Wikipedia)

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Interview with Julian Vayne & Steve Dee – Part 2

(Continued from part 1

On tradition, politics, magical practice and evolution

Morgana: I think it is like when Joseph Campbell talks about the need for a ‘story’. There has to be a beginning, middle and end, and if you don’t have that people feel uncomfortable. He also talks about mythology being the language of religion. I think this what we all want – “a good ending”.

JULIAN: I think it’s wired into us  🙂

I’d just like to come back briefly to the concept of SLOW Chaos. I think it’s quite an important idea. On one level it’s the inevitable effect of CM at its middle-age – but in terms of me and Steve as ritualists and in terms of CM as a tradition, because it’s over 30 years old and has reached the stage of what is called in Art criticism, the minimal /critical distance, when you can look back on the tradition. One of the things about looking back at Slow Chaos is to say that Chaos Magic, as Steve was explaining, can be seen as this kind of rapid-fire approach to magical practice – you know, the quintessential Chaos Magic that you can draw a sigil on a thing and you masturbate over it and pop, there it is. I think what we were interested in was that CM can also be about Death, and can also be about a practice that can be quite disciplined and quite simple, very very simple.

Going back to the ritual we were talking about (the Ganesha ritual performed at the ‘Colours of Magic’ conference – Morgana) is that we can even simplify it even further with meditative practice and to what then becomes, in what we refer to in Chaos Craft as “The Ninth Gate”. So it’s that sort of practice of silence and stillness and that is really important. Just to really reiterate that is also really important to note that it’s not “the be all and end all”. So as well as the wild, edgy cultural forms, and the innovation and fun – all that sort of stuff which is great, but to counterpoint it with something that is gentle, simple and easy actually. So than rather than striving for something that is exotic gnosis, it’s about having, for example, a meditative practice where one can notice how things are right now. Don’t worry about changing anything particularly.

Being in the here and now and recognising the fact that although many people are interested in CM as a system, there are also many very disciplined practitioners who are interested and involved in it and are very skilled practitioners in their own individual fields. So CM isn’t just about, or isn’t only about swapping magical paradigms, as one might swap partners in a swinger’s party J It’s about developing that kind of ongoing relationship with a particular style, your own interest, and deepening that.

Morgana: yes, it’s coming back to the “mindset” which in Western society is still greatly influenced by Christianity. We have also seen similar tendencies when we talk of the ‘Maturity of Wicca’.

When did you decide to connect the Wheel of the Year to the Colours of Magic? Did it happen gradually or did you have this Eureka moment?

JULIAN: For me, it’s been always been a question of recognition. Ever since encountering the Chaos Star, the 8-pointed star, as someone schooled in the old pagan tradition, the form of Wicca, I look at a thing with 8-points and see a recognisable image. If I was a Buddhist, I would probably see it through that lens. Or perhaps via I-Ching. When I look at it I see the Wheel of the Year and so it seems a fairly obvious thing to do. Pete Carroll had come up with this model – 8 Colours of Magic – it’s a handy descriptor, very much rooted in the Hermetic Tradition, with a Western Cabbalistic influence. The same colours are used and he laid them out in this 8-fold format. So bringing those two things together and thinking; what does that allow us to think about the Sabbats and wondering how they may relate to one another.

So the colours as presented by Pete in “Liber Kaos” were moved around to make sense for us and in relation to our understanding of those festivals.

carroll-chaos-colours

(The Eight Colours of Magic …)

STEVE: I’d like to add that it was your genius which came up with the current scheme, I just nodded my head, sagely. But I think it also connects to the, in a very Wiccan way, and perhaps to the work by Vivianne Crowley. Just thinking about the way in which the turning of the wheel of the year in the Northern Hemisphere maps on to things like human development. Things like maturing and adulthood moving towards Crone-hood and negotiating death. It made sense in terms of the question: what is the end game here? Because in some ways CM – if there is any criticism – is its lack of teleos, it’s lack of direction – in a post-modern sense of “What the heck is it all for?” And I think that we all try to work with this idea of how are we maturing, as human beings.  How are we unfolding and how do these magical techniques assist us in that?

JULIAN: And using that flow of the seasons as this idea of the iterative process, although it may be a kind of teleological project, it’s not necessarily one about a fixed end game of life,

So we ran this group, which was essentially a coven-type structure but as Steve mentioned earlier, the way that we did the running of the group process was that we did it in a style that was broadly influenced by CM and more specifically the way the IOT (Illuminates of Thanateros) tends to structure, and run rituals.  So that rather than having, as you do, a classical Wiccan coven – a High Priest and High Priestess and then having others as participants – what we did was to use the model where we would have a meeting and it would be themed around the time of the year obviously and the specific ‘colour of magic’.

Even more importantly, each person who came along had the opportunity to bring a piece of magical work that was in tune with that particular flavour. So we sat at the table, like now, and asked if anyone was bringing a particular piece of work. We would rough out the time needed, whether there were any particular requirements – did it have to be at night, outside, indoors etc. Then we would create the running order of the ceremony as a whole with all these micro-ceremonies but again thinking about the Slow Chaos approach, and going deeper, they are all still part of the one theme.

So it’s not like having a meeting where people can bring anything – anyone CAN bring any practice but nevertheless, it is informed by the colour of magic, the time of the year, the point at which we are working.

the-wheel-of-chaos

( … and The Wheel of Chaos)

Morgana: This approach is pretty consistent with Nature religions and the importance of the moon, the lunar cycle and Moon Magic. Being in the here and now. Also ‘Where are we now? What is happening to me?’

STEVE: For me it’s and- and in some ways but the path of the witch is one of gnostic awakening. It is within the context of Nature. So rather than it being in the light of Christianity and a salvation-based religion, or like the Buddhist enlightenment that’s all about the Self being enlightened, it’s an idea of actually what would it mean for me to be liberated here, in the context of nature and this planet and this biosphere. Enlightenment and my awakening do not need to be removed from this. In fact, it can only happen within it.

JULIAN: And that is one of the interesting things you have been writing about in “A Gnostic’s Progress” because there is a thing that you talk about in the book about the relationship between Gnosticism and the Body and how problematic that’s been. So actually the idea of reconstructing the idea of a gnostic style which doesn’t disapprove of the embodiment; it was a really interesting process. That’s really important because it’s one of the things that Steve and I – and the people that we work with are really quite interested in, is the idea of the Divine, the Sacred, the Magical, being the same thing as the World. So there isn’t a separate realm necessarily. We can hypothesise those things, we can create all sorts of mathematical and imaginative models that still have the feeling of “in and of the World”. They are not really separate – there is no separation.

Morgana: Indeed, being connected to Nature, that we are Nature, Human Nature. There is no separation. We are in the here and now, as much as the trees or the river. And we are part of this whole Earth evolution.

JULIAN: And it’s also true to say that we humans are a very ODD part of nature.

Our apparent separation means that we can articulate the ideas of Nature and Culture. This idea appears in some of the Left Hand Path material about Seth; it’s articulated by The Temple of Seth, Steven Flowers – this kind of thinkers – that the separation arises as part of human awareness that sets up those divisions of Nature & Culture.

STEVE: Yes, and that seems to be an emergent property of human consciousness that we wonder what else there is? That wonder, a sense of the numinous, the transcendent. It’s an intriguing puzzle, isn’t it? It’s probably what prods us on our path of evolution. As someone noted “We are here to go”, so the idea of the project of being ‘human in the World’ is an ongoing thing and that (using) magic is one of the main ways that people can explore.

Morgana: The thing that drew me to CM was the fact that it also seemed to be interested in evolution. How is consciousness evolving? Systems like Golden Dawn are well established, whereas something like CM is in itself still evolving. I liked the Chaos approach to evolution and the different spheres – the Geosphere etc. (See notes) This was for me an eye-opener.

It was also similar to what Rudolf Steiner was talking about concerning consciousness and the four ‘bodies’ (physical – etheric – astral – spiritual) and the ‘awakening of the sentient soul’. First of all, though one had to go through a period of detachment, separation.

STEVE: I suppose the thing is about Crowley and the Golden Dawn, and things like Theosophy and Anthroposophy as well, they are all profoundly aeonic, looking at periods of human history but with an idealisation of past culture. I see people on the internet saying that we are in the Age of Kali Yuga etc. and there is the idea that everything is going to shit. And I can see that on one level, but equally, I am really happy that we have good dental care and antibiotics and that I am not dead because I am over forty. Those are good things and I like those. So I think that what CM does do is to have a guarded view of optimism about human creativity – which is what draws me to it, because rather than saying, we actually need, in a reconstructionist way, access to a ‘Golden Age’ that’s gone.

Morgana: indeed, and why I was attracted to Wicca because it was dealing with the here and now, and the ‘everyday situation’. In interfaith, I see that it is the common goals – like the need to protect the rivers and oceans – which are effective. It is not about the theological discussion but about Ecology. In my experience in Interfaith, that is a much easier platform to work from to get people to work together.

Unfortunately, politics and ‘man-made borders’ get in the way of truly working together.

JULIAN: Yes, indeed, from the political stance and the role of politicians. Do you know who was Prime Minister 100 years ago in Britain? No? Neither do I. The things that actually change culture – yes politics in the way that it is played out, in terms of international relations and so on, are undoubtedly significant but there are many, many other factors at play – everything from the work of artists, engineers, mathematicians, theorists – all important stuff. We imagine that politics is the receptacle of all power in the world but that is by no means true.

STEVE: If you think about something like someone like Ronald Hutton and his observations in “Triumph of the Moon” about this romantic movement which then gave birth to this religious revival we call Wicca and which then that, in turn, has hugely influenced the mindset of things like depth psychology and so on. In some ways, I don’t give a shit whether people play with the Tarot or not, but I do care about what they do to the planet, ultimately. The biggest gift that paganism has given us is the notion of the necessity to take care of the planet and the place where we are living.

JULIAN: I think one of the things that practically happens which is a nice thing from the point-of-view of CM and the New Religious Movements, that have come up and who regard themselves as pagan of various stripes, is that point, about having this view of multiplicity. That people have different views from us is obvious, but to take on board that your perspective of the universe, is something which is, both malleable by outside forces, just to talk about inside/outside to simplify things but is also able to be changed by you and your own behaviour and to realise that.

For me some of the difficulties we face as a species is very often to do with – not so much resources but mostly to do with the fixation on things, our unitary view of things and our inability to see either /other possibilities that we might be engaged with, or very often to genuinely understand the perspective of someone else. I think that having a discipline whether it’s from a magical practice or psychology – or any other number of things that allow us to appreciate that multiplicity view – and the fact that different views on an issue, or an object, or an activity in the world can have a multiple number of stories associated with them.

One of the things that I think we see in some of the forms of religious practice which have been politicised – so Islam is the obvious example, speaking as a Westerner living in Britain – is that it is about trying to create this monolithic view of how the world should be. And then to try and assert that even to the extent of having this monolithic idea of Islam, which is completely nonsensical both historical and culturally. So you are having practices in the world, people in the world, who are pushing this agenda of multiplicity and I think it is really important to support that person, both culturally and from a species level.

Morgana: Yes, understanding diversity too. In the book, there is this sense that there is no need for these ‘man-made’ borders. If, as pagans, we are supposed to be these ‘wild spirits’ and ‘free’ there should be the questioning of “What are our intentions? Motives?”

At the end of the book then, as a conclusion, can you describe what your intentions are?

STEVE: I think as Julian said – to represent, to put out there and encourage our multiplicity and to also promote Queerness in the broadest sense; that to do magic it means to question the borders of who you think you are – and whether it is your gender, or sexuality, or politics, or theology – that if magic does anything it should both soften and blur the edges of that which you think you know and open your mind up to the possibility of something different. That working with others especially gives you an environment in which you can explore that safely. It’s not just you doing it inside of your head – it’s in relationship with other people. They create the balance and the mirror to ourselves, that allows depth and collaboration to happen.

Going back to the question about mindfulness – one of the critiques of it is that originally these practices were in a community and that is where they make sense. These existential questionings were what you did WITH people. So in the midst of trying to do this challenging stuff you had others around you to care for you and support you and say yeah “I’m going through that stuff as well, I understand, or at least I think I do.” Yes, I think that was what I was trying to convey in the book.

JULIAN: I suppose for me – yes, all the above – but also about presenting, deliberately presenting, a work-in-progress in some respects. And hopefully to give people something that they might find interesting and ideally, inspirational. To say, “This is what we did. this is a record of what we did” It is a slice, effectively, out of our collective magical diary. I personally find that interesting and part of the reason that a lot of what I write is autobiographical is because the things that I enjoy reading are very often “here is the ritual, that’s all very good, marvellous, but how does it fit in the context of the overall process?” I need to see it make sense or I find it most interesting to articulate it in those ways.

So it is an opportunity to say “this is the work that we have done, here it is presented.” In a way, it is unfinished and comes deliberately so. Fortunately, we have had people respond to the book. One person, I can think of went through the whole of the year-long practice where there was the part of making the Spirit Jar at each of the Sabbats, essentially all the ritual debris goes into the magic jar. We got an email from a person who had gone through the whole practice for themselves, in their own way and they constructed these jars. Now I wouldn’t want everyone to replicate that but it was really lovely – as authors – to read that we had inspired someone to do it in their own way, to use a bit of it, and that they really enjoyed it. They included photos of the jars that they had created.

Morgana: Yes, being inspired by others. But also being fascinated. Doing the rituals with enthusiasm.

JULIAN: If you look at the Book(s) of Shadows – look at the close analysis of the different texts and versions, no doubt we will see different versions of Chaos Craft turning up in places like the Museum of Witchcraft and Magic in Boscastle. So research, which can compare these texts. The reason why I compared Chaos Craft to a BoS, is that effectively The BoS, it too is a magical diary. Gerald Gardner piecing together all sorts of stuff and meeting Doreen – “Alright Doreen you can write poetry; you can fill in some gaps.” And then him turning around and saying “Oh I have just discovered these Laws.” So that’s also work-in-progress.

But if we confuse that with the idea of it being a ‘revealed text’, that the rituals must be performed in this or that particular way, that’s insane! If you look back at the BOOKS of Shadows – which is perhaps a more accurate description – you can see the development of this ritual practice for these individuals. Okay, you may work within a ‘down-the-line’ tradition where there is your covens’ BoS copied out – I know of no-one who I have worked with who I consider to be ‘good at their stuff’ who doesn’t at least add stuff. Everyone adds something. They must do because that’s what we should be doing. Tradition in that sense is about keeping this flame actively going rather than worshipping the ashes.

Morgana: And yet there are those who want the BoS is to be set-in-stone. And that it is very difficult to introduce new material. There is also the camp who regard the Craft as being heterosexual. So there will always be a group of people who are not open to change and do not see the tradition as being organic.

JULIAN: Well if magic is, at least one description of it is, that it is energy tending to change and then not wishing to change, I would suggest that one perhaps loses the magic.

Morgana: It becomes ossified.

JULIAN: I mean join the Masons, believe me.

Morgana: That’s the problem, though. If we want to be eclectic, then we should go and join an Eclectic group. Which is very sad. It’s like the cultural phenomena of when for example people move from Europe to North America, continue to live the way they were taught and then years later they return to the original country only to find that many things have changed. It’s quite normal for people moving to want to retain their cultural heritage, their tradition. In some respects, the same thing has happened to Wicca in America.

STEVE: This is also something that relates to the SLOW process, that you can work within a genuine tradition that people find really meaningful and its evolution doesn’t need to be overnight. The integration of the material should be tested and weighed as being valuable, psychologically powerful – but to not change at all, as Julian said, I can’t see the point.

JULIAN: I certainly wouldn’t like it. I mean I can appreciate, again thinking about this idea of Slow Chaos and the idea of depth and repetition, there is nothing inherently wrong with those things. That’s completely fine but again it’s about – do you allow for a multiplicity of experiences? You cannot step into the same river twice; you cannot do the same sabbat ritual twice. It’s simply impossible. Therefore, if it is impossible, it makes a lot more sense to intelligently adapt to differences in technique, a difference in circumstance and that’s what to do, to have multiplicity and the appreciation of really what’s going on. I’m sure within the US – and America is a big place – there is a huge diversity of pagans as I understand out there. I can also appreciate people who want to maintain an identity, they want to maintain ideas of integrity, but I don’t think it has to be an either/or. It could easily be both. I am really pleased to be a part of the Kaula/Nath lineage, that romantic moment and feeling that it at least goes back to the 9th century. But the practice that I engage with is obviously going to be hugely different from what people did hundreds of years ago. I can still feel part of the lineage because of the initiatory process in that particular context. And also more broadly, being a magician in the 21st century, there are lots and lots of people behind me in terms of the lineage of my interest, my style, my hobby and with a bit of luck those people who come after me. It’s great. It’s part of this ongoing community of practice.

Morgana: Yes this is what we would describe in Wicca as “the current”. You are initiated into a particular current, a family. It’s something we know our forebears were doing more-or-less the same thing. On the other hand, there are many things which were different. They didn’t have things like computers. I’ve always felt that I am the dream of my ancestors and fulfilling that which they envisioned in the future. I may see things now which may be possible in the future and that my children, my offspring, will be able to understand and embrace it. In other words, I have the vision but haven’t got the tools yet. They haven’t been invented yet! So, yes, I think that is the real heart of it – having the vision. And sometimes seeing a vision which we can actually make manifest.

Would you like to add any more?

JULIAN: YES! Buy our books now!  😆

Morgana: Of course! Thank you for your time – it has been wonderful hearing more about how Chaos Craft has evolved. Good luck in your future endeavours!

 WP_20160618_061(2) ()

(Julian & Morgana outside the Museum of Witchcraft and Magic, Boscastle, June 2016)

Notes

For more product information about Chaos Craft – see the review.

On the Spheres of Chaos, from the Blog of Baphomet: “In these practices attention is given to the crown of the head (the Chaosphere), the throat (the Noosphere), the heart (the Anthrosphere), the belly (the Biosphere) and the base (the Geosphere).”

See also Steve’s book “A Gnostic’s Progress – Magic and the Path of Awakening” (2016) published by The Universe Machine,

ISBN: 978-0-99549047-1-3  – see the review.

Images:

Steve in his spare time
A taste of mindfulness meditation
The Eight Colours of Magic” and “The Wheel of Chaos”.

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Conserving Magical Energy

by Ian Elliott 2-5-13

We all contain magical energy, and this energy is unique to each of us. But due to conditions of modern life, all of our magical energy is deployed in habits, habits of perception, of feeling, of thinking and doing. Very little is left over every day for exploring our magical heritage. This is why most spell books on the market are not much help in casting spells. They take a cookbook approach which assumes that people as they are have sufficient magical energy available to make them work. They don’t.

In order to access our own magical energy, we must begin by saving little amounts of energy which we otherwise fritter away each day in wasteful habits. This is the starting-point of the Inner Craft. It is a very small door, like the door Alice went through into Wonderland – she had to take a magic cordial first to make herself little. It begins, in other words, with small efforts.

Conserving magical energy requires patience. It takes a while to save up sufficient energy to make a difference. However, we are so used to our typical energy states, which run in cycles, that we recognize a difference in them almost immediately after starting efforts at conservation. We may suddenly worry that we don’t seem to be worrying so much anymore. This sounds silly, but we are so used to our own ups and downs that it takes all of a witch’s Power to Dare to venture into this unknown territory.

Here is a general map of our familiar territory, which we will be leaving behind:

1 – Cycles of worry and anxiety.
2 – Cycles of small nervous movements.
3 – Cycles of inner talk.
4 – Cycles of negativity.
5 – Mental and material clutter.
6 – Patterns of perception.

These are the main areas of our life which commandeer and squander our available magical energy. The simplest one to start with is the second, small nervous movements. When the witch sits, he or she is still. This is the power of the North, the Power to Keep Silent, as expressed by the body. Regular exercise is necessary in order to remain still in a vibrant, poised manner. The witch notes the situations under which he or she tends to begin scratching, or tapping the foot, or whichever motion is involved. If this occurs while sitting in a chair, the witch gets up immediately at the first sign of it, and does something else. It is no good waiting until the train of habit runs you over; as soon as you see it approaching, you must get off the track. This requires the cultivation of vigilance.

The first item on the list above may seem necessary to running our practical lives and avoiding financial or some other form of ruin. If I don’t worry, how will I pay my bills on time? The answer is to sit down daily, preferably in the morning, and make a list of daily obligations. Plan on paper, or on the computer, and spend some time every day reviewing your plans. If you have a long-standing problem, such as finding adequate employment, do something every day towards solving it. Then, when you feel you have done enough for that day, close your planning book. If there are tasks to perform, do them. But by evening you should feel free to relax your practical self and see to other dimensions of your existence.

Eliminating clutter in your life, item number five, supports practical planning. Go through your closets and shelves and dresser drawers, and examine all your papers and other stored items. You may find something useful to your current needs. Use what you find, or give or throw it away, or sell it. The mind keeps track of everything buried deep in closets, even if you have forgotten some of those things consciously. Dealing with them, finding a use for them, not only opens up new opportunities in your life, it unties little energy knots that you may have carried around for years.

Clutter also occupies time. We typically over-commit ourselves to meetings, projects, visits, and other entanglements which fill up our already busy schedules. It isn’t necessary to be busy all the time in order to live a full life. On the contrary, the more we do or promise to do, the less freedom we possess to explore new paths. The multi-millionaire J.P. Morgan complained that he always felt hemmed in by his busy commitments. Practice saying things like “I’ll have to think about it” instead of immediately saying yes.

Inner talk, item number three, generally takes either of two forms. I call these the rehash and the rehearsal. The rehash involves repeating mentally conversations held recently, perhaps modifying the responses one made in order to appear cleverer or more compassionate to oneself. We wish we had said something more, so we say it in our minds afterwards. A certain amount of review of our behavior after the fact is a healthy habit, but a little goes a long way. Obsessively revolving past conversations, or imaginary extensions of them, consumes an enormous amount of energy and increases our feeling of dependence on how others see us.

In the other direction we have the rehearsal. We think about an upcoming event, an encounter with someone perhaps, and we begin talking to that person in our minds. This can be more or less hypothetical, as of course all thoughts about the future are hypothetical to some degree. Here again, there is a fruitful use of this habit, as when we are planning what we will say in a job interview. But too much last minute ‘cramming’ is usually counter-productive. Plan what you will do and say, then lay it aside and direct your attention to other things.

When a witch feels caught up in the rehash or rehearsal, he or she identifies it first, thinking “that is the rehash” or “that is the rehearsal,” and then turns the attention to the surroundings, or some other present reality, such as a book. Here as elsewhere, it is a matter of knowing when to stop.

The fourth item, cycles of negativity, must be approached in a two-step process. If we have habits of making sarcastic jokes, we may justify this by seeing ourselves as witty persons. Encouraged by the laughter of others (which may have only been polite), we may feel that we have a reputation to uphold as comedians or critics. Or perhaps we dislike political correctness and see ourselves as rebels when we make remarks some find offensive. Or we may see ourselves as heroic figures motivated by righteous outrage to tilt at windmills.

The first stage of saving magical energy by not squandering it in expressions of negative emotion is to discover what self-image, or images, we are using to justify such expression. If your expression takes place in a social setting, you should consider the possibility that less grumbling or joking from you will be a relief to your usual audience. If you express negativity in private, perhaps cursing other drivers or your computer, see yourself doing it and how absurd it would look to someone else.

Once you have deflated the justification for your negativity, it will be easier to work on deflecting the expression itself. Here again, think of the approaching train: you must see it chuffing along towards you from a distance and jump off the tracks well in time before it sweeps you up. In other words, you must become familiar with your cycles of energy wastage so you will know when to break them. Habit cycles are like chains, and every chain has a weakest link. Finding the weak link is the key to breaking the chain.

In doing all these things, the witch should avoid the feeling that the Inner Craft is a goody-goody ethical pursuit. It is nothing of the kind. We want access to free energy, and in order to get it, we must become misers of energy. We must bear in mind that all our energy is already deployed, and our only hope of breaking free from our energy strait-jackets is by saving little bits of it, one bit at a time.

Once we have become vigilant with these five items it will be time to turn our attention to the subtlest and, potentially, the most powerful form of conservation, changing patterns of perception. We perceive all the time, and our way of looking at and listening to the world is a habit of such long standing that changing it is a most subtle affair. It is necessary to have the other five areas well in hand before attempting this last, sixth one. If we go for the sixth item prematurely, we shall achieve some novel effects, but before long we will drop it as an interesting exercise which goes nowhere.

The Inner Craft distinguishes between directing the attention to where the eyes are pointing, which it calls looking, and spreading the attention from that, extending it to perceptions lying to the side of where our eyes are pointing, or above or below where they are pointing. The eyes do not move to these things, just the attention.

In the same way, changing perceptual patterns involves extending the attention to background sounds as well as to sounds we are currently focused on. We generally listen to background sounds sporadically and then shut them out if they are annoying or fail to interest us, as with muzack in a store or elevator. The witch takes in all available sounds continuously, for this saves the energy habitually employed in blocking them out. It takes much more energy to ignore peripheral sights and sounds than to include them in attention. This is the secret of this form of magical energy conservation.

Attending to things to the side is called gazing in the Inner Craft. We can gaze to the side of an object, such as a television screen, or we can switch our eyes to the side of the screen and gaze back at it. If you practice switching back and forth from one form of gazing to the other, you will feel a sensation starting in the back of your head at some point. Something will open up back there. Don’t try to make this happen, or you will become involved in imagination. Just be aware when it does happen on its own.

When you close your eyes to go to sleep at night, you will see little lights and patterns produced by the gentle pressure of your eyelids on the retinas. These are called phosphenes. Generally we ignore them and just go to sleep. This is probably for the best, for if you follow them with the attention, you may or may not drop off. But it isn’t necessary to keep your eyes open all day until it is time to go to sleep. If you observe animals, they spend a good deal of time with their eyes closed. This is especially true of cats, at least as far as my observation goes (I am a cat person). You should rest your eyes two or three times during the day, and as you are not doing so to take a nap (though you may fall asleep anyway), you can observe your phosphenes. This is called “reading the book of the eyelids” in the Inner Craft.

You may find, while your eyes are closed, that your hearing becomes more acute. You can play with this sensation by opening and shutting your eyes at intervals. Do this while sitting or lying at home, or while a passenger in a car or train, looking out the window. Don’t try it while walking or driving!

Exercises of these sorts increase our use of the ears and relax somewhat our over-reliance on the eyes. In particular, extending one’s visual attention to the side (or above or below) of where the eyes are pointing tends to relax the muscles at the outer sides of the eyes. These are typically tensed because we are using our eyes to track on objects, as though they were searchlights. Pueblo Indian chief Ochwiay Biano (Mountain Lake) once remarked to the psychologist C.G. Jung that “The white man’s eyes have a staring expression; they are always seeking something…they are always uneasy and restless …We think they are mad.” i From being searchlights, the eyes can become passive windows, taking in the whole visual field as it is presented.

When the muscles at the outer sides of the eyes relax, the witch will feel a peculiar energy entering there, an energy carrying feelings and what might be called ‘wordless knowledge.’

Another way of taking in the whole visual field at once is to keep our headlessness in view. ii Did you know you were headless? You knew this when you were a small child, before you were told that ‘the baby in the mirror’ was you, yourself. At that point, we began to ignore the little we could see of our heads without using a mirror or other reflecting surface: perhaps a blob for the nose, eyelashes in bright sunlight, or a cowlick hanging down in front. If we keep those sensations in view, we will stay in contact with the whole visual field. Losing those sensations, we tend to alternate between thinking and looking. We feel that we are shut up in our heads, looking from moment to moment out of two portholes at the world around us. If we keep our headlessness in view, we shall think and see at the same time, as Janus the threshold guardian does at the Pagan’s front door, looking out and in at once with his two faces. We shall live on the outside of our bodies.

There is much more to this part of the Inner Craft dealing with perceptual patterns, such as noticing shadows. Cars at midday roll along over their shadow carpets without casting them back from the wheels. When we walk home in moonlight, the moon keeps pace with us. When we cross our eyes looking at two candles placed side by side at eye level, a third candle appears between them, combining their colors and features. These are only a few out of many perceptual patterns which help to release our magical energy; but it is unnecessary to mention all of them, since practicing a few of the basic ones already mentioned will inevitably lead to all the rest.

If you take the six items above in the recommended sequence, you will be able to integrate the Inner Craft in your daily lives, and in the Circle you will hum with magical energy.

Bibliography

HARDING, D. E., On Having No Head; Zen and the Re-discovery of the Obvious. London and New York, Arkana, 1986.

JUNG, Carl, Memories. Dreams, Reflections, New York, Vintage Books, 1965.

i Jung, C.G., Memories, Dreams, Reflections, p. 248.

ii See On Having No Head, by D.E. Harding.

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Neighborhood witch

Logo rubriek Wiccan Rede Online Magazine

Natuurlijk houd ik altijd wel rekening met mijn omgeving. Niet meteen vertellen dat ik toch wel degelijk een levensvisie heb, al ben ik dan geen christen. Vaak stuit het me zelfs enorm tegen de borst als anderen me zelfs voorstellen aan hun vrienden met een overdonderend: “En dit is Yoeke, zij is een heks.”
Jongens, kom op nou… Dat roept zoveel misverstanden op! Ik loop daar niet graag mee te koop.
Zeker niet in mijn woonomgeving. Lieve mensen wonen er om me heen en die wil ik zeker niet voor het hoofd stoten met verhalen over, nou ja, de dingen die we zoal doen.
Het contact is prima, niet overdadig, maar prima.
Helemaal niet gek dus dat ik laatst, op weg naar het parkeerterreintje, werd aangeschoten door de nieuwe buurvrouw.
“Mag ik wat vragen?”
“Tuurlijk!” Een of ander huishoudelijk apparaat lenen, of zo’n soort vraag verwachtte ik.
“Doe jij ook aan huizenreiniging? Vervelende invloeden eruit werken en zo?”
“Ja, dat doe ik wel eens,” gaf ik direct toe. Erom liegen doe ik nooit.
“Wil je dat dan bij mij komen doen?” vroeg ze.
We maakten meteen een afspraak en ik liep terug naar huis. Ik herinnerde me een vorige keer dat er zoiets gebeurd was. Bij de garage waar ik mijn auto weer ophaalde zei de garagehouder, zomaar uit het niks: ‘Ik heb hartstikke pijn in m’n arm. Kun jij daar wat aan doen toevallig?’
Dus behandelde ik hem wat en hij belde de volgende dag op dat hij, na een heftige herstelnacht, helemaal geen last meer had van z’n arm. Daar was hij trouwens minstens zo beduusd over als ik zelf.

Teruggekomen in m’n eigen tuin vertelde ik nog een beetje blozend aan Leuke Man wat er gebeurd was.
Hij bulderde van het lachen. “En jij maar in die kast zitten! Ze weten het allang!”
Ik knikte wat bedremmeld. Kennelijk. En niet alleen weten ze het, ze weten het ook op waarde te schatten. Bruikbaarheid.
En dat vervulde me tegelijkertijd met grote blijdschap. Zo moet het eigenlijk gaan. Je bent getraind in een aantal zinvolle technieken en als die ergens nodig zijn wordt er een beroep op je gedaan. Of je biedt het aan. Geen poespas. Heel alledaags. Iemand moet het doen en jij bent het.

Yoeke

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